One in four girls is sexually abused before age 18.
One in six boys is sexually abused before age 18.
Sexual abuse and the collateral damage it brings have reached epidemic levels. Those who lead in the church and Christian ministries must be equipped to support and walk with people who are processing the shame, pain, and fears associated with abuse. Marilyn Hontz has given a gift to those who have faced abuse personally or who walk with people who are seeking healing and freedom from their past. Her book, Shame Lifter, tells her own story of God’s grace and power to overcome the pain and shame of abuse.
Shame Lifter is not gratuitous or voyeuristic. Rather, Marilyn tells her story with grace and thoughtfulness. Those who minister to people who have faced painful family experiences, rejection by a loved one, and abuse of any sort will want to review this book. As a pastor and leader, I have talked to, prayed with, and tried to minister to many women and men who have faced abuse. At times, I have felt very ill-equipped for the task. As I read Shame Lifter I learned a number of very helpful lessons:
- Healing from abuse takes time, work, introspection, and caring people who will partner with you in the process. The church is a perfect place for this kind of ministry to happen.
- Wonderful and healthy people can have deep pain and dark places in their past. As a leader, I can’t assume that someone who appears to have their life in order has traveled through life exempt from the pain of abuse. I need to ask good questions and create space for people to share who they really are.
- It is possible for a person who has been deeply hurt to forgive with equal depth. Not only is it possible, it is essential.
- Most importantly, the love of God and power of forgiveness can release captives and restore shattered hearts. In a cynical world, it is easy for leaders to think of wholeness as an ideal that most people will never attain. I have been encouraged to see wholeness as a goal that God wants each of His children to reach.
The narrative style of Shame Lifter makes is very readable. The honesty and transparency with which Marilyn writes makes you feel like you are sitting and having a conversation with a trusted friend. If you minister to hurting and broken people (and I think we all do), this book will be a valuable resource. At the end of each chapter there are questions to help the leader through a process of personal reflection. Then, there are suggested actions and activities called, “Shame Lifters.” These offer practical and attainable steps for personal growth and spiritual healing. As a leader, this book will give you a wealth of tools for helping others move forward in the hope and healing that can be found in Jesus Christ. If you are a leader who has lived with abuse and if you are still on the journey of healing, I believe Shame Lifter will minister to you in a very personal way.
Kevin G. Harney
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