Mentor vs. Tormentor

Surprisingly, it was my High School Spanish teacher who guided me to read Kierkegaard’s words, “We all come to life with sealed orders”, quoted by a later Christian Existentialist Miguel de Unamuno. More recently the words were again quoted by John Shuster in Answering Your Call: A Guide for Living Your Deepest Purpose (Berrett-Koehler, 2003). Mentoring is the emerging leadership issue among anyone under 45 today, and as I do more and more of it, I reread this book. It’s one of the best amid a dull market.

It seems that everybody is learning their personality type and spiritual giftedness … but few people are discerning their personal mission in life. Boomers may be satisfied by passion, but for emerging generations nothing will do but purpose. The rational “scientistic” world has robbed us of more than meaning. It has taken away the legitimacy … and the hope … for a personal destiny. So Shuster’s definition of call speaks to the soul: “Calls command that you attach yourself to something infinite and lasting, so you can escape the life you thought you deserved, and replace it with the life you were meant for.” Don’t just get a life … get a mission.

Shuster’s book is both illuminating and practical. He explains the art of the mentor as “evocateur” and “provocateur”. The former elicits from within us hidden yearnings, reflects back to us unexpected potential, and sees things our biased self-analysis missed. The evocateur empowers the “ego-self dialogue” in which self delusion meets personal authenticity. The latter confronts with stark realities, reflects back to us uncomfortable truths, and challenges us to keep going. The provocateur empowers the “self-stranger dialogue” in which awakening identity meets real world.

One of the best sections of the book is on “saboteurs”. These are the “tormentors” who are the nemesis of true “mentors”. (Substitute Harry Potter’s great enemy, the “Dementor”, and you have a great image of the existential predicament of people under 45 in the great postmodern vacuum of meaning.) I’ve often translated Shuster’s description as “controllers” who shape God’s mission around themselves, and are unwilling to shape themselves around God’s mission … and insist everyone else must do the same. Shuster’s description of the “saboteur” is masterful. They look respectable, mouth positive platitudes, but twist reality. They are masters of manipulation, cause pain, enjoy watching others regress. They are usually quite competent in some areas of life, but use that shield themselves from criticism. And the worst saboteur is always yourself!

As I travel (teaching, coaching, and consulting) the cry for mentoring … and the crying need for mentoring … is becoming ever more apparent. Few churches seem to be able to go beyond personality and gifts discernment. They can barely deploy staff for leadership development (rather than program management), much less multiply laity for mentoring personal mission (rather than facilitating institutional outreach). Shuster asks the question that I think zillions of people bring to church, but leave disappointed. “How do I sense my calling in a world that does not help me discover it?”

Tom Bandy
www.easumbandy.com
www.netresults.org